So here I am sitting, about to write that I recently cut my hair and half of my femininity with it when my friend tells me she loves it. That makes me feel good. I know that for a lot of women, cutting their hair is like cutting off an appendage but for me it was simple: I don't want it and little kids who lose their hair need it so I'll give it to them. But with that comes a sense of insecurity: Are people judging you on your hair? Ridiculous. But as a woman who's been told her whole life that she's attractive, I've questioned if I still am. I went through this before when I had my hair short. Do men still think I'm pretty? Do women? Do people think I look like a boy? A child? A lesbian? But ya know, there are so many more important things to worry about, why spend my time scrutinizing myself in the mirror? Why not worry about those kids who have no hair? Why not worry about my own health. It just proves we live in a vain society obsessed with looks. Looks are what get you respect and what makes people think you're an interesting person. I know it because I've fallen into the trap too. The first person to grab my attention in a crowd is a good looking one. I want to learn about that person, talk to them. And the cliche goes that beauty is skin deep. Everyone thinks that good looking people have no heart, soul, personality, intelligence etc. Like God gave them good looks and gave all other qualities to the other people. There again lies a prejudice. We look at attractive people and think, "She's a snob", "she's so dumb", "he's only interested in sex", etc. And it's simply not true. I just wonder what side of the coin is worse -- being underestimated for being less attractive or for being more so?

Long time since I wrote. To busy to write. Too busy to write complete sentences. Still struggling through Q. Been reading short stories by Poe, which I like for the most part. A bit anticlimactic though. So there I am on the edge of my seat, pulse racing, sweat on my brow, anticipating what will become of our hapless hero as the pendulum descends upon him when BAM! he cuts loose and escapes! And who IS the Mask of Red Death? I want to know! I NEED ANSWERS! In the meantime, I'm biding my time with crossword puzzles, the fall TV lineup, and sleep. Oh, yes sleep. The doctor says 12-14 hrs. a night but I just can't do that so all I do on my days off is sleep. There's something terribly wrong. I need to cut my hair but I don't know if it's long enough to donate yet. And I want to lose weight so I don't look like some pinhead on a marshmallow body. Bad mood. Tired. Must sleep....yawn.....