I thought this apropos considering Wednesday's discussion of Bella Wilfer and The Complete British Family Housewife: I just received a gift of four "Victoria Etiquette Napkins." The rules are taken from "Ladies Etiquette Manuals" from the Victoria Era, specifically the 1850's. They read as follows: 1. Never, while at table, (whether in public or private,) allow yourself to talk on painful or disgusting subjects. Avoid all discussions of sicknesses, sores, surgical operations, dreadful accidents, shocking cruelties, or horrible punishments. A love of such topics, evinces a coarse and unfeminine mind. It is rude in gentlemen at any time to introduce them before ladies; and a polished man never does so. Political and sectarian controversies ought to have no place there. Shakespeare truly says, "Unquiet meals make ill digestion." 2. If the conversation is general, speak loudly enough to be heard by those around you, but at the same time, avoid raising your voice too much. If the company is very large, and you converse only with the person immediately beside you, speak in a distinct, but low tone, that you may not interrupt other couples, but carefully avoid whispering or a confidential air. Both are in excessively bad taste. To laugh in a suppressed way, has the appearance of laughing at those around you, and a loud, boisterous laugh is always unlady-like. Converse cheerfully, laugh quietly, but freely, if you will, and while you confine your attention entirely to your neighbour, still avoid any air of secrecy or mystery. 3. Should you chance to be extremely incommoded by some extraneous substance that has gotten between your teeth, you can remove it unperceived, by holding up your napkin or handkerchief before your mouth, so as to effectually to conceal the process. When you take any thing out of your teeth, do not make the persons who are near you sick, by laying the disgusting particle on the side of your plate; but conceal it immediately. Still, nothing but "sheer necessity" can excuse any teeth picking at table. 4. Sit gracefully at the table; neither so close as to make your movements awkward, nor so far away as to drag your food over your dress before it reaches your mouth. It is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion, and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt. You may do this quietly, without its being perceived, and you will thus really save your dress. If the napkin is merely laid open upon your lap, it will be very apt to slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and you risk the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with the front of your dress spoiled or greased. No wonder Bella became so dull and aseptic; she was trying to retain such elaborate instruction! In searching for more information on these types of manuals, I found that about one-quarter were written by women, while the rest were penned by male authors. I suppose I was not surprised from this information (although since many were written by men, it seems to promote misogyny among a society). However, I did find that there were many manuals and rules published for men also. And I deduce that women who wrote such things were merely following the expectations of their society rather than succumbing to a male dominated culture. I do, however, wonder what Dickens' standpoint is on women place in society. I reject the notion that he was biased against women. Rather, I think that he may have been satirizing a public view of a woman's place in society and emphasizing the absurdity that a married woman must relinquish her individuality and surrender to convention. Just a thought...